Moving right along

Almost 14 weeks by LMP, over 14 weeks by measurment. Not surprising, since we weren't trying, and deliberately stopped doing it before I thought I was supposed to ovulate. Someone clearly had other ideas.

Baby still alive and kicking. Gorgon still tired and retching. The Kraken has been informed, which may have been a mistake, as she is pummeling us with the pregnancy equivalent of "are we there yet".

Life is good.

Update

9 weeks pregnant today. Had an ultrasound on Wednesday, and the doctor's feedback was "That is one good looking baby". Still going strong! This is farther than I've been able to get with a pregnancy since the Kraken made her entrance almost 5 years ago, so I am very, very hopeful. Doc says based on progress thus far he would estimate my risk of miscarriage at 1-3%. Not nothing, but it beats the hell out of the 40% risk that women with my history usually carry.

Will keep you posted!

The slacker resurfaces

Been forever since I posted. Work is busy (which is a good thing in this kind of economy) and it seems like every night and weekend there is something going on. I am starting to feel a tad overextended, and fear for what it will be like when the Kraken is old enough to have things like soccer games and play practice.

In other news, with any luck around May 17th we'll be delivering the Kraken's younger sibling! That may seem like optimism in the extreme after the events of the past two years, and maybe it is, but I can't bring myself to spend 9 months freaking out about it. I was able to start taking my heparin shots the minute we found out we were pregnant, and as of last Friday an ultrasound shows a real live baby, with a heartbeat and everything. Haven't left the ultrasound clinic without a caveat of some kind (heartbeat too slow, baby too small, twins sharing a placenta, no baby developed) since the Kraken joined the Gorgon household, so I am encouraged. Plus, I feel like someone ran over me with a car, which has just GOT to be a good sign.

Wish me luck. I can't promise to post much until I get out of the first trimester and feel like a human again, but hopefully I'll be back in a few weeks with a good update.

Another detour on the journey

First of all, apologies to anyone reading this that I did not tell that we found out last week that we were pregnant again. Our plan was not to tell anyone until we were at least 12 weeks along, and as it turns out, that was a sensible plan. Pregnancy loss number 4. This one so early that I never even made it to the doctor. One week I tested positive, started my cocktail of daily shots and supplements to prevent miscarriage, and the next week I knew in my bones that it was over before it had begun. Today's bloodwork confirms that my HCG levels have dropped to less than 5. Nothing left but the inevitable bleeding, which ought to make the weekend interesting.

The good news is, I had less than a week to get my hopes up, and I never really believed it, even after 6 positive tests. The bad news is self evident. We are starting to talk about options. The Minotaur suggested this evening that we take a month off from the relentless pursuit of a second child, and then spend the next few months getting busy when we feel like it, and see what happens. In the meantime, I am in full Internet research mode for adoption options. If anyone has had a positive adoption experience or knows someone who has, please, share the agency name. As much as I hoped to experience the pleasures of pregnancy (and no, I'm not kidding, I actually LIKE being pregnant), I suspect it is not to be, and therefore am looking at my options. I myself come from a household with an older biological child (me) and a younger adopted one (my brother), and am forever grateful to the woman who made the decision that made it possible for me to have a brother.

In the meantime, I am tired, confused, and more than a little bit afraid. But mostly I am so very, very tired.

Just overheard.......

The Kraken tell her father "Daddy, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, I love you".

I was laughing too hard to hear what the bad news was.

Back again

I have been deliberately not posting for awhile, for fear of yet again letting my fertility woes take over the blog. I have a doctor's appointment next week, so hopefully that will at least lend to my situation the appearance of progress, even if nothing gets decided.

In the meantime, time marches on in the Gorgon household. As of this weekend, the Kraken has a newly decorated bedroom - we're calling it "bordello chic" for the delightful combination of grape juice purple and pepto bismol pink she picked for the walls. Two and a half days of sanding, spackling, painting, and frantically trying to keep four year old fingers off freshly wet walls. This morning? The first words out of her mouth, wearing a radiant smile all for the momma who made it happen (the Minotaur got none of the credit, having already gone to work) - "Momma! I sleeped in my new room last night!"

It was so totally worth it.

Conversations on the stairs

Documenting from tonight, when the Kraken found me crying on the steps because of yet another fucking negative pregnancy test (the 6th month in a row, meaning it's time to go back to the doctor to get evaluated for fertility issues in addition to the fabulous clotting disorder).

Kraken: Mommy, why are you crying?
SG: (So not wanting to explain it to a four year old) I'm okay, honey, I just have something in my eye.
Kraken: Did you get it out?
SG: I think so.
Kraken: Here. Let me wipe away your tears for you. That's really all I can do.

Gulp.