First of all, apologies to anyone reading this that I did not tell that we found out last week that we were pregnant again. Our plan was not to tell anyone until we were at least 12 weeks along, and as it turns out, that was a sensible plan. Pregnancy loss number 4. This one so early that I never even made it to the doctor. One week I tested positive, started my cocktail of daily shots and supplements to prevent miscarriage, and the next week I knew in my bones that it was over before it had begun. Today's bloodwork confirms that my HCG levels have dropped to less than 5. Nothing left but the inevitable bleeding, which ought to make the weekend interesting.
The good news is, I had less than a week to get my hopes up, and I never really believed it, even after 6 positive tests. The bad news is self evident. We are starting to talk about options. The Minotaur suggested this evening that we take a month off from the relentless pursuit of a second child, and then spend the next few months getting busy when we feel like it, and see what happens. In the meantime, I am in full Internet research mode for adoption options. If anyone has had a positive adoption experience or knows someone who has, please, share the agency name. As much as I hoped to experience the pleasures of pregnancy (and no, I'm not kidding, I actually LIKE being pregnant), I suspect it is not to be, and therefore am looking at my options. I myself come from a household with an older biological child (me) and a younger adopted one (my brother), and am forever grateful to the woman who made the decision that made it possible for me to have a brother.
In the meantime, I am tired, confused, and more than a little bit afraid. But mostly I am so very, very tired.
Friday, August 7, 2009
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