Thursday, May 22, 2008


I'm watching for milestones. Not the good ones, either, the ones you record with the camcorder, snap photos of for the grandparents far away. No, I'm peeling my eyes for the ones that will make me insane.

1. 6 1/2 weeks. That's when I started bleeding with the last pregnancy. If I can get past 6 1/2 weeks, I'll be doing better (like it's a contest).
2. 8 weeks. That's when I lost the baby. If I can make it past 8 weeks will I stop thinking about it and just relax?
3. 12 weeks. The end of the first trimester - supposedly a much lower risk of miscarriage after this point.

Will successfully reaching any of these milestones stop the undercurrent of worry that's trickling through all the gaps in a brain that is trying very hard to be tranquil?


Sugarmama said...

Ugh. I definitely understand how you're feeling here. And probably you'll relax SOME once you've gotten past those particular milestones. But then there's your first blood screen test, first ultrasound, etc. Actually, do we ever stop worrying when we're pregnant? I mean, don't you wish there was some sort of little belly window you could peek through sometimes just to be reassured?

Piece of Work said...

Oh I know, it's so tough. I wish I had a magic pill to give you that would just turn off that part of your brain until January.-Or is it February?

Inkling said...

The answer, according to my experience, is definitely YES. Like Sugarmama said, you keep worrying, but that sick feeling of fear goes away. I lost a baby at almost four months. I found with the next one that I couldn't let myself get attached to it until that point had passed. Then, suddenly, I felt like I had permission to fall in love with it. Hang in there. Fudge is good.