This week just keeps getting better

I am 7 weeks 5 days. At today's appointment, I am measuring about 2 weeks behind, and no heartbeat is detectable. While my doctor is not willing to say definitively this is a lost cause, the phrases "blighted ovum" and "probably not viable" did come to light.

I am scheduled for another ultrasound in a week. Maybe I'll get lucky and the baby will magically make itself known - I have found hundreds of such cases online. And in many cases those mothers were sure about their dates too, and at some point the babies just 'caught up'. But, the odds are that I just hit the jackpot on the stupid shitty luck lottery, and am about to lose my third pregnancy this year to something COMPLETELY UNRELATED to the fact that I have a blood disorder.

If I sound too calm, it's because I am. I am almost anesthetized with the not-knowing of it.

A hiccup in the arrangements.

So, bebopping along, almost 8 weeks pregnant. Feeling ill, so feeling good, if you know what I mean. Then, yesterday, a call from the reproductive endocrinologist who ran all the tests on me after I lost the twins. Turns out something DID show up in my bloodwork, but they missed it somehow.

I am a heterozygous carrier of the Factor V Leiden mutation. In english, that means I have a tendency to overclot. As in, clotting in the blood supply may be what caused me to lose the babies. Why this wasn't an issue with the Kraken is unknown. It's hereditary, so it's always been here. I am now taking heparin, daily injections - big fun there. But if it keeps the baby alive, so be it.

Still processing. Doctor's appointment in the AM, angling for an ultrasound. Will let y'all know....

Today

I voted early. I didn't have to, really. I wanted to. Because for the first time in a long time, I actually give a damn about one of the candidates. My heart rate went up and I got fluttery when I put my pen to my ballot to fill in that first little oval. I had the overwhelming sense of history in the making.

So. I guess it's official now.

I. am an Obama Mama.

Everybody get out there and vote.

Friday Haiku

Levels have tripled
'Tween first blood test and second
Nurse says all is well

Okay, so I think there's supposed to be some reference to nature for it to be a real haiku, but it didn't really fit.

Some numbers for review

2 (number of pink lines on four HPT's
4.3 (# of weeks pregnant I currently am)
536 (HCG level recorded on today's bloodwork - normal, btw)
10 (how excited I am on a scale of 1-10)
10 (how petrified I am on the same scale of 1-10)
3 (number of days I held out with my "I'm not telling anyone until I'm 12 weeks" plan)

To be fair, I still haven't told anyone at work. I do want to wait on that, since I still have people at work walking up to me saying "boy, you're not gaining much weight with those twins, are you". You know, the ones I lost 3 1/2 months ago.