Thursday, October 30, 2008

This week just keeps getting better

I am 7 weeks 5 days. At today's appointment, I am measuring about 2 weeks behind, and no heartbeat is detectable. While my doctor is not willing to say definitively this is a lost cause, the phrases "blighted ovum" and "probably not viable" did come to light.

I am scheduled for another ultrasound in a week. Maybe I'll get lucky and the baby will magically make itself known - I have found hundreds of such cases online. And in many cases those mothers were sure about their dates too, and at some point the babies just 'caught up'. But, the odds are that I just hit the jackpot on the stupid shitty luck lottery, and am about to lose my third pregnancy this year to something COMPLETELY UNRELATED to the fact that I have a blood disorder.

If I sound too calm, it's because I am. I am almost anesthetized with the not-knowing of it.

3 comments:

bon said...

I rarely cuss nowadays... but for fuck's sakes could you catch a break? And that is the sound of my heart breaking and trying to hope at the same time.

Phantom Scribbler said...

Oh, honey. I wish I could make you immune to the stupid shitty luck lottery. You've already given that particular lottery enough heartbreak.

Piece of Work said...

Oh. My. God. COmpletely fucking sucktacular. Argh! I'm so sorry!