Monday, November 10, 2008

Forty days and forty nights

Okay, so it's only been 10 days and 10 nights of bleeding nonstop, but it's starting to feel like longer than that. At least (at the risk of being graphic) it's no longer like the parting of the red sea when I stand up, and it's down to a more manageable level, by which I mean I can leave the house for more than an hour. Okay, no more biblical references.

This is the miscarriage that would not end. I took the Cytotec on Saturday AM at 9, and by 4 PM tonight had happened. By 5 I was wondering if it ever would. By 11 I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to go to bed. By Sunday AM it was relatively under control, but it's still worse than the worst period I've ever had. Nothing like an all day, constant reminder that I'm not pregnant anymore.

At least i know my hormone levels are dropping. I know this from the raging headache that tylenol cannot keep at bay, and that I refuse to take percoset for because I refuse to give up my gin and tonic. If I'm not going to have a baby, I'm at least going to have a drink, dammit.

I promise that soon I will get another topic. This is just a little all consuming at the moment. This is the fourth baby I've said goodbye to in this calendar year.


bon said...

See... there's the difference between you and I, I would just double up in the G&T's and the Percoset. Only I cannot take percoset, and I don't drink anymore. But you know what I mean.

Inkling said...

Oh man, I haven't been to visit for a while and this is what I find. There really aren't any words to express how much this sucks. I am thinking comforting thoughts at you, although I know that doesn't do much at this point. Drown yourself in nothingness for a while and know that you will heal, again, because we usually do.

susan said...

Oh, what a process. Thinking of you.