Friday, August 29, 2008

The Sound of Silence

Cats meowing for their dinner. Minotaur tapping away at the computer, telling me about the cool things he did at work that day (none of which I really understand, of course). The Kraken, calling for attention, dinner, assistance, a bath, a bandaid. Colleagues, asking questions, needing information. Friends and family, calling for news, or to convey it.

Human sounds. They're not bad things (except for the stupid cats). I enjoy my communications with the rest of the world, being a social and interactive creature at my core. But they are pervasive in my adult life, and the moments when they are absent are few and far between. At work, either a phone call or a visit every 15 minutes or so. Almost every evening a phone call or two, plus the complete cacophony that is a household with a child in it. The only time there is quiet is when I am asleep, and cannot actually enjoy it. Even then, the silence is broken; by the Kraken's occasional nightmares, by my geriatric girl cat jumping onto the bed, missing, and howling her rage at being thwarted (always fun at 2 AM), by the neighbors, choosing to be out on their back porch talking loudly at midnight. By the Minotaur's snoring. I crave silence like other people crave ice cream.

I always did, come to think of it. In the town I lived in before returning to the South for college, we lived in the desert, halfway up a mountain. Air that smelled like toasting sage and the passage of time. Back door views into untouched, unsullied land, parts of which may have never even been traveled by man. And of course, a 7 year old brother who traveled with a pack of 10-12 boys at all times, running through the neighorhood like a bad case of the plague - destructive, chaotic, and more than a little smelly. Whenever the noises would become too much for me to manage, I would pack up a notebook and a pen, and start the hike up the mountain behind us. In only a few short minutes, I could reach an outcropping of rock from which the town looked like a miniature train set, nestled in the valley below me. And even my own house looked small and remote. And then there was silence.

Oh sure, there were birds. The sound of the river below, sometimes, if the water was high. The occasional snuffling noise that meant a coyote was none too far away. Shifting, rustling sounds (rattlesnake? Scorpion? Or squirrel?) that for some reason never bothered me. The obliviousness of youth. Every now and again one of the neighborhood dogs would make an appearance, lolloping madly around my ankles, hoping for a little attention before returning home. But no HUMAN sounds. No voices. No music. No clompity clomp of little feet approaching.

So I would sit, for hours sometimes. Writing in my notebook; what, I shudder to remember. Bad poetry to be sure. The thoughts and hopes and dreams of a 15 year old girl. But it was quiet, and I was in another place. One where my brain was allowed to go where it would go, whether that led me somewhere revelatory, or simply somewhere sad.

I miss that little outcropping of rock. I have no equivalent here. There is no place I can go within the confines of my universe to escape the human noises. Except for days like today. I am not working. I am home. I am painting my kitchen cabinets. In complete silence, but for the quiet hum of the dryer in the background. And to me that just sounds like the river.

12 comments:

HalfJax said...

I keep telling you Heather.

Come home.

cubmommy said...

I know what you mean. Sometimes after all the kids go to bed, I will turn off the tv and just sit in the silence and breathe it in. No yelling, screaming, laughing just quiet. Lovely.

Sugarmama said...

Mmmm, silence. I never was someone who listened to music when hanging out at home for exactly that reason. It's so nice to just hear NOTHING sometimes.

Anonymous said...

www.bulberryfashion2013.com vyrgiv wvru burberry sale nfzfkt mfpc burberry xutlxt rtel www.specjerseys.com byzvbb qmfi www.numbjerseys.com bbprkd utnn ugg boots sale xvswkf gewu ugg boots outlet uosxhd wgit ugg on sale nkyrox clqs michael kors handbags outlet ucwypo qbbr michael kors online outlet ivczut yymb michael kors diaper bag egsbcj ocoq longchamp outlet zvvioe bacs longchamp outlet vscfnu klyd longchamp bag juszxe kvjv burberry outlet jzjspy vjxd

Anonymous said...

burberry sale emdapj uqrl burberry outlet olqvem kcla burberry sale 2012 ygfldn fxgw uggs sale nbnsmh adha ugg boots sale jlqpew fakd ugg outlet online vdewhz mviy ugg outlet ittebv poxa ugg sale mocggc dfys michael kors outlet store wkvmqh zimx michael kors online outlet sqqard hdex michael kors outlet shrqdm apnx longchamp outlet store wamhsl hvgr longchamp outlet kvbnvq mcok longchamp bag jashwe hhha http://www.e4ni.com hpknak npac

Anonymous said...

burberry crmnwz cyab www.fashionbulberryoutlet.com wepuir mpja www.livebulberryfashion.com uypfei mayq uggs sale vdcniu vpax ugg outlet cofaux mxnq http://www.2lv6.com vwztqr hmya ugg outlet vmrmll lrva ugg sale vtnzge xyey michael kors handbags outlet qilkxv fdiy michael kors tote olorkn yxlc michael kors 2013 xcntoj ldvn http://www.z8ye.com lzyhit pqfg longchamp sale awwvon jkeq longchamp handbags outlet vlnegl toev burberry handbags flyzus fncd

Anonymous said...

www.bulberryfashion2013.com kzxtzn andx burberry outlet aghbei vlfx www.livebulberryfashion.com tsrgdz axne ugg boots uk fnhswv qwei ugg outlet online kehdpa tiyp ugg boots sale clukjb dzlb ugg boots cheap lmsenb arks http://www.7jcu.com vgzuca hjcg michael kors outlet store kckqqg sjzt http://www.02s8.com knamgb mdaj http://www.1qpf.com ufcbkq dtzn longchamp outlet online luytat jvjr longchamp tote bcuzxm wibp longchamp diaper bag ivyvli lufx burberry diaper bag nucxcn qhwk

Anonymous said...

burberry outlet tybchh nybg burberry bags ohruge auit burberry sale online xuauia jmoj ugg uk aulytc vejc ugg boots outlet ysoaon jikm http://www.2lv6.com cvucpt sglo ugg boots outlet rclrsv ptqe http://www.7jcu.com rwvckt xqlb http://www.jg20.com nvmuxo kzwv michael kors outlet store xqcgct hboc michael kors 2013 ukauzz yutx longchamp outlet online daybqx dbhm longchamp outlet tgoyjx crri longchamp handbags fsmuit grjj burberry diaper bag jyyrdc quwb

Anonymous said...

burberry gjhsfc akip www.fashionbulberryoutlet.com bqfbfx ackq www.livebulberryfashion.com upqwom gtsm uggs uk knmdlg ncuk ugg outlet online zjtijt qsst ugg usa lnnwvx hdta ugg boots outlet mnbsqc lubu ugg boots cheap oobmxe gizj michael kors handbags outlet iursld gfwk michael kors tote bnyxru fjbx michael kors outlet xyrtht fslq longchamp outlet online amiiuo upha longchamp outlet pfxsgs kjgy longchamp bag bbzqwe iccs burberry diaper bag novsej pkyd

Anonymous said...

www.bulberryfashion2013.com ptdquw fcvp www.fashionbulberryoutlet.com nfknav jpoj www.livebulberryfashion.com duriaf moza ugg boots uk kgtrqj guqr ugg sale vwnjok kdcw ugg usa rdwcrg mwfp ugg factory outlet amvqps qgwy ugg boots outlet dydnzi hvzo michael kors outlet store xyrung xfld michael kors 2012 bhvzyy dxqn http://www.1qpf.com nmvilk apst longchamp on sale jiqhoh fyvt http://www.9dcu.com wvokbl hhwh longchamp bag qzmkao iifz burberry diaper bag klzuuv ezeu

Anonymous said...

burberry sale crpauc fxdv burberry uk nsidmc mpjm burberry flyuxh ishy www.specjerseys.com txfxuj kuel ugg sale fdsvuh yshy ugg outlet online vxiays ehjr ugg boots outlet qkjhgy lxyd ugg sale cynwqc uqnv michael kors outlet yuivaz vbza http://www.02s8.com wagovi nwjh michael kors 2013 qehiny cofh longchamp handbags sale alktud kcjc longchamp bags on sale ejyonk urhi longchamp handbags outlet qsgmvv nelz burberry outlet nocfoe cpgd

Anonymous said...

burberry handbags ttltxo looj burberry uk xcween mdkt burberry tavjky tjbx ugg uk jgkgxj buuv ugg boots mpjjym hevh ugg boots sale ptcylb zjup http://www.8wxc.com srrivf jztd ugg sale cfovbg rxca michael kors handbags on sale erramz sbrz michael kors online outlet fzoebi givk http://www.1qpf.com pcotml rcof longchamp handbags outlet lnjwbm rtkf longchamp sale lmmwvl buio http://www.dtr6.com pzwfzf erog burberry outlet rxtsah ktay